Presuicide

Pre suicide

©Michelle George 2011

 

I realized tonight that the person I speak the most to is myself

In those moments when I’m alone or that no one else can be bothered to talk to me

And on some level I know that this knowledge should bother me

But it doesn’t

I know that I should seek to fill the empty spaced with something worthwhile..

If only for a while..

To me..

But..

 I have no desire to do so..

 And that should bother me..

 But it doesn’t

I’ve heard that the sick scenarios that run through my mind

Mean that I have an unhealthy brain

You know

The kind serial killers and axe murderers have

And I should seek help

But I have no desire to do so

 That within itself should bother me

…but it doesn’t.

I know that there’s someone I should tell

Wait…

That’s how I got here in the first place…

Karma’s a bitch

And that should bother me

But it doesn’t

I know that when I’m gone

If only for a while

No one will notice

I’ve left no ripple in the waters of life

And have no desire to make any

This should bother me

But it doesn’t

I wonder as to the absence of my light

I used to have one I think

It just faded…slowly

And I have no desire to light a new one

This should bother me

But it doesn’t

I have no desire to leave goodbyes

Or ask for understanding

That will never come

Or noticement

That no one notices is needed

Or even comfort

It all seems false anyway

This should bother me

But it doesn’t

I think I’ll lay down

Too apathetic to waste the effort to breath anymore

This dream is too boring to live through anymore

This should bother me

But it doesn’t

 

 

 

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About Michelle Toussaint

Michelle Toussaint is an Antiguan who has amassed an Associate Degree in Science Education as well as a Diploma in Forensic Science. As such, she Teaches Science in the classroom as well as at home, where she leads...er... co-leads The Tribe. A merry band comprising her Husband-The Chief, herself-The Priestess, and her three precocious children- the tribesmen. When she isn’t mothering, teaching, being a fangirl or feeding her chocolate addiction. She writes two blogs. Random_Michelle and Death By Expectations. View all posts by Michelle Toussaint

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