And then he said sorry

He told me heartily that she meant nothing,
Her tender nothings, reciprocated by him meant nill,
See ‘cause he had been lonely
And her most appealing quality was that she was needy,
And he proceeded to explain reverently that… you see,
That she had peppered her rhetoric with tender compliments and subtle tributes to his ego,
Finally she had been so bold as to utter through lips blushed with loving smiles
“I love you”
And while he utilized the tool of any player’s trade and uttered the same,
It was just that, a game.
A soft seduction with no emotions giving it fuel
But like a moth to flame or a fly to waste
In his oneness he was attracted to this half thing
That needed… for the justification of her being his affection.”
And he continued saying
“See ‘cause baby, I don’t mean to call you cold but you abandoned me
In your haste to give chase
To a dream I never fathomed even in my sleep
I needed to be needed and you, for all your strength needed nothing
I was emasculated
And she was too pathetic to notice that she was a stand in
A stop gap mannequin holding a place only you could fill’
And in my mind it was so obvious
How could this have happened to us?
Maybe he was misinformed in the misunderstanding failing to understand
That I needed to need, as he needed to be needed
It was so profoundly uncomplicated
It was ethereal and aesthetic
Cause I had built my life a temple, a shrine to him,
But in the building and the praising and the passionate communion of our fornication
He had lost the crux of the matter
That when his heart started beating in my chest I became him
Or more rather I became she who existed for him
And with every lofty profession, every sweet nothing
Every fear and insecurity, every tear that soiled the trust between us,
Filed effortlessly as they left his lips in his
Folder marked “I don’t give a shit”
He had killed us softly
But there he knelt in front of me saying
“Baby I’m sorry”
It could have been one or two, five or three
All blended into a mural of verbal mental infidelity
His saving grace for his abuse of me
“I’m sorry”


About Michelle Toussaint

Michelle Toussaint is an Antiguan who has amassed an Associate Degree in Science Education as well as a Diploma in Forensic Science. As such, she Teaches Science in the classroom as well as at home, where she co-leads The Tribe. A merry band comprising her Husband-The Chief, herself-The Priestess, and her three precocious children- the tribesmen. When she isn’t mothering, teaching, being a fangirl or feeding her chocolate addiction. She writes two blogs. Random_Michelle and Death By Expectations. View all posts by Michelle Toussaint

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