Sleepless

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What am I doing?
Why am I waiting?
What am I waiting for?
Why am I here?
I’m trying,
Trying yes trying,
I’m trying not to fail,
But to fail who?
What am I trying? Why am I waiting?
I’m waiting for my life to start?
I’m waiting not living.
Not living, just exiting,
I’m scraping by, just scratching and eeking,
I’m waiting on a lover
I’m waiting, waiting for him to come alive,
I’m waiting for the wonder to end,
Waiting to go to him
I’m waiting for approval
Who waits for that?
Who waits to be wanted?
Who waits for them to see, that you’re worth more than their opinion?
Who waits for them to notice you have made it through unfortunate situations
I’m waiting….on….waiting…on…waiting for,
Him to reach for me, for them to approve of me,
For them to be grateful for my sacrifice,
Waiting for the wait to be over
I’m waiting for my life to start
I’m waiting to be the mom I want to be
I’m waiting for the end of worry
Waiting for the paralysis of hopelessness to be over
I’m waiting for love to come back
I’m waiting on trust
Who waits for those things?
Trapped here, stuck here
Waiting for age to turn backwards
Waiting to regain what I’ve lost
I lie awake at night
Waiting for tears that I’ve already spent
I’m waiting
Waiting for the truth, and the lies, waiting for the…
I don’t know what I’m waiting for
Waiting…for….waiting… waiting…for confusion to end..
For the darkness to close in and take me unfulfilled into fitful sleep
I’m waiting to wake up from the living nightmare
I’m waiting to not be caught in my fears
I’m waiting for…waiting…for…waiting….waiting…
Just trapped here waiting
Waiting…waiting…waiting……

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About Michelle Toussaint

Michelle Toussaint is an Antiguan who has amassed an Associate Degree in Science Education as well as a Diploma in Forensic Science. As such, she Teaches Science in the classroom as well as at home, where she leads...er... co-leads The Tribe. A merry band comprising her Husband-The Chief, herself-The Priestess, and her three precocious children- the tribesmen. When she isn’t mothering, teaching, being a fangirl or feeding her chocolate addiction. She writes two blogs. Random_Michelle and Death By Expectations. View all posts by Michelle Toussaint

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