Death by Expectation: Escape

Not my pic, it just reminds me of where I want to be

Not my pic, it just reminds me of where I want to be

Do you ever just want to walk away?

Pick a direction and go there?

To leisurely stroll away from your life and the weight of their expectations

No more “Mom where is this? Or that?”

No more “Child of mine, here are the rules of the burden you pay back for the birthing”

No more “I love you, conditionally. You know when it suits me to remember.”

No more clueless onlookers, trying to pantomime your life without the backdrop of your experience

No more helpful hints on how to become the type of fucked up that is acceptable

‘Cause you know, acceptably shallow, disrespectful, but boisterous is a goal now a days

Do you ever just want to say “Screw this.’

Pick your direction and go there?

The South west looks good from my window

The little space between the bars of the cage of circumstance

That has become the life I no longer recognize

This wasn’t in my roadmap to happiness

And I wake up nights breathless

Heart trying to escape my chest

As if the girl I was when I started this journey is still in there

Desperately clawing at me

Begging for an escape cause the voice in my head are getting louder

This humdrum monotone of budget’s gone wild

And meal plans impossible, while balancing in the cutthroat kitchen of the so-called sisterhood of the “strong”.

Pushing knowledge like a drug pusher when the “Just say No” campaign was at its peak

Cause folks, like it or not we fight hard to stay ignorant

I want to pick my direction and go there

To have nothing to hear but my footfall

One in front the other, right, left, right, left

Till I hit water

And make a nest for myself in sand warmed by the sun now setting

To settle in on edge of possibility and focus…fully

On the burnt orange, indigo, purple, yellow , golden fringed with royal blue

That  endless summer feel of almost night time

To feel the last of Rah’s touch on my face as he retreats to let his queen take over

Mother moon bless me, blessed be,

I’ll open my circle to your power and let you guide your child till Beltane moon and harvest time.

Dancing wild before the shifting sea

No thoughts of going further

Just free of their expectations

Free of their  indignation


Just free


About Michelle Toussaint

Michelle Toussaint is an Antiguan who has amassed an Associate Degree in Science Education as well as a Diploma in Forensic Science. As such, she Teaches Science in the classroom as well as at home, where she co-leads The Tribe. A merry band comprising her Husband-The Chief, herself-The Priestess, and her three precocious children- the tribesmen. When she isn’t mothering, teaching, being a fangirl or feeding her chocolate addiction. She writes two blogs. Random_Michelle and Death By Expectations. View all posts by Michelle Toussaint

5 responses to “Death by Expectation: Escape

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