Touch myself


Every month I touch myself,

I do so lovingly,

But not so tender as to forget the point of this appointment.

Every month I touch myself,

With purpose and dedication,

Diligent, I do this.

Every month I touch myself,

tracing a path form arm pit to cleavage,

I round to chest and make slow circles towards nipple.

Every month I touch myself,

Sighing relief as my fingers come away,

Unsuccessful in the finding of their goal.

I do this,

Set them on their path of inquiry,

Thoroughly exploring these expanses,

All the while praying they find nothing.

Every month I touch myself,

and when I am finished,

I examine the woman in the mirror,

I wonder at that cousin,

I wonder at that family friend, that godmother,

I think about the woman who touched herself,

And found a sign that she was cursed with this thing.

Every month I touch myself,

And wonder what it would be like,

If I could still carry myself well,

With the scars.

I circle my areolas thinking,

“What amendment would I make to my identify,

If I lost this sign of my nature?

The ability it affords me,

For nurture, for pleasure.”

Every month I touch myself,

and wonder at those who don’t know how.


About Michelle Toussaint

Michelle Toussaint is an Antiguan who has amassed an Associate Degree in Science Education as well as a Diploma in Forensic Science. As such, she Teaches Science in the classroom as well as at home, where she co-leads The Tribe. A merry band comprising her Husband-The Chief, herself-The Priestess, and her three precocious children- the tribesmen. When she isn’t mothering, teaching, being a fangirl or feeding her chocolate addiction. She writes two blogs. Random_Michelle and Death By Expectations. View all posts by Michelle Toussaint

One response to “Touch myself

  • calensariel

    Thoughtful and excellent and important. I found one about eight months ago. Scared the livin’ hell out of me. Turned out to be a hematoma. I worried myself sick till it was finally absorbed back into my body. You can’t get away from the thought of it when it’s always there in the back of your mind.


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